


Everything's Gleeful and Nothing Hurts

by using_this_name



Series: Crackity Crack [75]
Category: Glee, Supernatural, Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, Crossdressing, Derek is a Failwolf, Drabble, F/M, Gender or Sex Swap, Humor, Lapdance, M/M, Mistaken Identity, Singing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-02
Updated: 2013-12-02
Packaged: 2018-01-03 06:35:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1067228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/using_this_name/pseuds/using_this_name
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What are gender and sexuality in the face of Katy Perry lyrics?</p><p>Turns out, they are still things, actually.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything's Gleeful and Nothing Hurts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Furrina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Furrina/gifts).



> This was written for the prompt: Danny from Teen Wolf falls in love with Charlie from Supernatural. In Glee.

**Charlie Bradbury (dressed as Lady Gaga, holding a ukelele):**  This song is about my last relationship:

_Somewhere over the rainbow…_

*while she sings*

 **Danny (dressed as Katy Perry):**  Who’s the new kid?

 **Stiles (dressed as Shakira):**  Dunno. I think I heard his name is Charlie?

 **Danny:**  Charlie. Good name. Nice voice. Bit high for my tastes, but…

 **Scott (dressed as Elvis):**  *sitting down* I hate this class.

 **Derek (dressed as Pocahontas):**  Tell me about it. I would dearly like to rip out the throat of whoever decided to add Glee to our curriculum. Also, the teacher is super creepy. 

 **Scott:**  What are you doing here? And in drag?

 **Derek:**  Drag is the assignment this week.

 **Scott:**  Damn it. I thought it was Elvis week. I should really look at the syllabus. But anyway. You still shouldn’t be here! You are, like, thirty.

 **Derek:**  I’m not that old! And I’m. Um…being supportive.

 **Stiles:**  He likes my outfit.

 **Derek:**  That too.

*Charlie finishes. Danny and Mr. Schuester clap.*

 **Mr. Schuester:**  Scott, would you like to go next?

 **Scott:**  Sure. This song is an attempt to vent my anger towards people that are mean to me and call me stupid. Like Derek. Actually, mostly Derek. Okay, just Derek. This is for you, Derek!

_You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog, crying all the time!_

**Charlie:**  *sitting next to Danny* Did you like my song?

 **Danny:**  Yeah. And your outfit is amazing! So, you’re new?

 **Charlie:**  Yeah. Also, very confused. Is he dressed as Elvis?

 **Danny:**  Yeah. He got confused about this week’s theme.

 **Charlie:**  That seems to be pretty standard, though. Is Lydia supposed to be Eminem?

 **Danny:**  Yup.

 **Charlie:**  I don’t think I get the theme thing at all.

 **Danny:**  Don’t worry. They can be a little weird. But it ends up teaching us things about ourselves. And the human experience.

 **Charlie:**  Oh. Okay. I kinda figured it was a cult thing that I just didn’t understand.

 **Danny:**  That too.

*Scott finishes*

 **Mr. Schuester:**  Good job!! Who wants to go next?

 **Derek:**  I would like to perform a rebuttal.

_You may think I’m an ignorant savage…_

**Danny:**  So, why’d you transfer here?

 **Charlie:**  I’m here investigating a—you know what? Never mind.

…

 **Charlie:**  On an unrelated note, you haven’t heard any suspicious howling recently, have you?

 **Danny:**  Oh my God! Yes! All the freaking time!

 **Charlie:**  Can you tell me about it?

 **Danny:**  Sure…

*they talk…*

 **Derek:**   _…HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE WOLF CRY TO THE BLUE CORN MOON…_

 **Scott:**  My song was more topical.

 **Stiles:**  I’m not sure that’s the point of Glee class, though. His is more fabulous. Plus, he choreographed it.

 **Scott:**  Damn it. I’ll do better next time. What’s next week’s theme?

 **Lydia:**  Wearing ridiculous costumes and singing musical theater accompanied by ukelele?

 **Scott:**  What.

 **Lydia:**  Look. It’s on the syllabus.

 **Derek:**  *whispered soulfully* _…you can paint with all the colors of the wind._

 **Mr. Schuester:**  See, singing metaphorically about your feelings can be very cathartic.

 **Derek:**  That was not a metaphor. Scott, you are a terrible painter. Please stop vandalising my apartment.

 **Mr. Schuester:**  Does anyone else have anything to say to Scott through song?

 **Isaac:**  Yes. Can I go next?

 **Mr. Schuester:**  Great!!!

 **Isaac:**   _Boom boom boom boom. I want you in my room…._

 **Danny:**  So. This song is pretty horrible, and I think I love you. Wanna make out?

 **Charlie:**  Sure!

*they make out*

*after Isaac finishes*

 **Mr. Schuester:**  Okay, that was good. Next time, though, try to sing things you know more than one phrase of. Anyway, let’s have a song with some substance now! Stiles! Would you like to go next?

 **Stiles:**  Sure! I will be singing ‘Hips Don’t Lie’ by Shakira. Hit it!

*Stiles, in a very small dress, begins to dance.*

 **Lydia:**  Scott! Scott! Look at this syllabus! We have a….*sees Isaac and Scott making out*…Oh never mind. Derek?

 **Derek:**  Eh?

 **Lydia:**  I think there might be a problem. Look at the syllabus. Next week’s assignment? Weird costume, musical theater, ukelele!

 **Derek:**  Mmm?

 **Lydia:**  This is the assignment Charlie was doing!

 **Derek:**  Wha…?

 **Lydia:**  Derek! Charlie is not in drag! Charlie is a girl!

 **Derek:**  Soooo…

 **Lydia:**  Danny doesn’t know. He’s making out with a chick! We have to tell…him…..Derek?

 **Derek:**  Mmmmmm….

 **Lydia:**  You aren’t listening to me, are you?

 **Derek:**  What? Of course not! Look at those hips! THEY DO NOT LIE.

 **Lydia:**  Damn it. I’ll just deal with this myself.

*'Hips Don’t Lie’ ends with Stiles straddling Derek, and Derek growling*

 **Mr. Schuester:**  Well. Um. Everyone seems to be making out. Um. I guess, class dismissed?

*Isaac and Scott skip out amid flowers and rainbows. Derek throws Stiles over his shoulder and stomps out. Lydia runs to catch up with Charlie and Danny.*

 **Danny:**  I know it’s only been like 20 minutes, but I think you’re the love of my life. Marry me?

 **Charlie:**  I thought you’d never ask!

 **Lydia:**  GUYS! Slow your roll. Danny, Charlie isn’t a boy.

 **Charlie:**  Duh. Wait. Who’s Danny?

 **Danny:** Me!

 **Charlie:**  You said your name was Katy!

 **Danny:**  I said I was dressed as Katy. Katy Perry. It’s drag day.

 **Charlie:**  No it’s not! It’s ‘wearing ridiculous costumes and singing musical theater accompanied by ukelele’ day.

 **Danny:**  That sounds completely made up!

 **Lydia:**  It’s actually the assignment for next week. But…

 **Charlie:**  So you’re a boy?

 **Danny:**  And you’re a girl!

 **Both:**  BUT IM GAY!

*after about twenty minutes, in which they break up, both cry, Danny has a brief fling with Mr. Harris, and Charlie sings a rousing rendition of ‘I Dreamed a Dream’ in the lunch room*

 **Charlie:**  I can’t stay away from you!

 **Danny:**  I know! We have to come up with a solution.

 **Charlie:**  Well, the only reason I can’t marry you is my overwhelming loathing of penises. If you would just not have one…

 **Danny:**  I would if I could, but…

 **Charlie:**  I know a witch in Missouri…

 **Danny:**  Done. Also, could you maybe get a penis? Cause I’m gonna miss them. Plus, those squishy chest pillows…

 **Charlie:**  Boobs?

 **Danny:**  Yeah. I’m super not into them.

 **Charlie:**  No problem!

 **Lydia:**  That’s your solution? Gender swap?

 **Danny:**  Yeah! Why not? Solves the problem of our sexuality!

 **Lydia:**  What about your gender identity?

 **Danny:**  Oh honey. We’re using Glee logic now. Character continuity is really not that much of an issue.

 

**Epilogue:**

**Danny:**  I’m kinda sad Glee class finished early.  I was gonna sing “You’re So Gay.”  I spent a lot of time getting those high notes.

 **Charlie:**  Aw. That song speaks to me on a spiritual level. ‘Cause I am  _so_ gay.  And I don’t even like boys.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want updates as they happen, follow me on tumblr, where I am going by using-this-name (with dashes instead of underscores).
> 
> I would also LOVE any prompts that you would like to send me on tumblr. Any pairing, or any trope!


End file.
